Starting a new business can be one of the most exhilarating and fulfilling journeys you can undertake. But as I learned from my own experience, it can also be one of the loneliest and most challenging paths, especially when friends and family members turn from supportive cheerleaders to judgmental skeptics.
The Rollercoaster of Support and Judgment
When I launched my first startup, GatherIn, during the pandemic, my close friends were incredibly supportive. They were excited for me, applauding my bold move to venture into entrepreneurship in such uncertain times.I was really lifted by their enthusiasm and honestly felt like I had solid support. However, as GatherIn struggled and eventually failed, that support morphed into something entirely different.
Suddenly, the same friends who had cheered for me started to question my decisions and criticize my efforts. It felt like a complete 180-degree turn. In hindsight, I can't help but wonder if they secretly hoped for my failure all along. This suspicion was echoed by other entrepreneurs I spoke with, who shared similar experiences. They, too, had friends and family who seemed to be waiting for them to fail.
The Pain of Judgment
One of the most frustrating aspects of this judgment was that it often came from people who didn't have high ambitions themselves. Many of these friends had average corporate jobs, and their lives seemed to revolve around work, socializing, and drinking. Yet, they felt entitled to judge my efforts and ambitions harshly. These judgments weren't even constructive. They didn't offer helpful feedback or suggestions; instead, they dismissed my startup as a waste of time and talked behind my back. It was really disappointing, to put it mildly. I lost a few friends during this period, and while it was painful, I'm okay with it now.
Lessons Learned from Judgment and Failure
True Support Reveals Itself in Tough Times
The initial enthusiasm of friends and family can be deceiving. It's easy for people to be supportive when things are going well, but true support reveals itself only during challenging times. I've learned not to take initial enthusiasm for granted.
It's Okay If Not Everyone Wants You to Succeed
It was a tough pill to swallow, but I came to realize that not everyone wants to see you succeed đ, even those close to you. And that's okay. Their judgment doesn't define your worth or potential.
Surround Yourself with a Supportive Network
One of the most crucial steps I took was to surround myself with a network of fellow entrepreneurs and mentors who understood the startup journey. Their support, understanding, and shared experiences were invaluable.
Distinguish Constructive Criticism from Judgment
There's a significant difference between constructive criticism and judgment đ«”. Figuring out the difference between the two and reacting the right way is super important. Constructive criticism can help you improve, while judgment usually comes from insecurity or jealousy.
Keep Your Distance from Negative Influences
Your mental health should always come first. It's super important to steer clear of negative vibes, even if they're from friends or family. Hang out with positive people who really support you.
Embrace Failure as Part of the Journey
Failure is not the end; it's part of the entrepreneurial journey. Each failure brings valuable lessons and opportunities for growth. GatherIn may have failed, but the experience and knowledge I gained were priceless. I definitely will not be attending any Business Schools anytime soon.âŠ
One of my favorite quotes from a series I watched captures this perfectly: âYou have to expect the unexpected in my fieldâŠbecause before the right answer is found, we often find the wrong one. But the wrong one can lead us to entirely new discoveries. Thatâs why itâs important we donât hang our heads when we make a mistake. Instead, we should wear them like a badge of honor.â
Seek Out Mentors and Peers
Finding mentors and peers who have gone through similar experiences can provide guidance and support. They can offer insights, share their journeys, and help you avoid common pitfalls.
Judgment Doesn't Define Your Worth
Ultimately, judgment from others doesn't define your worth or potential. Your value isn't determined by the opinions of those who don't understand your vision or your drive. Keep your focus on your goals and stay true to your path.
Moving Forward with Resilience
Even with all the judgment and setbacks, I've grown tougher and more determined. I've learned to trust my gut, believe in my vision, and hang out with people who really have my back. It can be a rough and lonely journey sometimes, but it can be super rewarding in the long run. To all my fellow entrepreneurs, just know that people are gonna judge you (especially from your own ranks), but donât let it hold you back. Use that as motivation to keep going, learn from what happens, and stay focused on your goals.
Recommended Reading
If you're looking into failure and personal growth, check out the blog post Learning from Failure in Startups. It covers the lessons learned from failure and pairs well with the emotional challenges talked about in âWhen Friends and Family Judge Youâ. Together, these pieces offer great insights for anyone dealing with these issues.